A Voice from the Dust

In the Book of Mormon, the prophet Nephi speaks of his records coming forth as a "voice from the dust" to the people of our time. God knew that what Nephi and other Book of Mormon prophets taught would be greatly beneficial to the people of our time, so He preserved their writings specifically for our benefit. Today I had an experience that felt like hearing a figurative voice from the dust, preserved especially for me.

This week we planned a camping trip, which was my mom's favorite activity. So I have been thinking a lot about her and missing her more than usual. I have also been struggling to know how to manage my life and priorities with two young children, and I have desperately craved her advice. When I was not yet two, she had my twin brothers, so she went from having one child to three. Lately I have often wondered how she even survived, and I wish I could ask her for advice. None of my siblings have children yet and all my cousins are much younger than I am, so there are few people I can talk to about the struggles of young motherhood.

Tonight as I was contemplating many conflicting priorities, and missing my mom so much, I remembered a story she wrote which was published in the Ensign sometime in the 1990s. I searched for it extensively after she died, but could never find it online, in any magazine, or in her personal records. But tonight I decided to search for it again.

Miraculously, I found it immediately after searching for her name in LDS.org: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1996/01/finding-truth-in-the-book-of-mormon?lang=eng (the last story on the page). When I saw her name highlighted in the search results, I immediately began to cry. I could hardly see through my tears as I read about how scripture reading had not been a consistently high priority for my mom until she had three children under four years of age. She finally decided to read her scriptures as her first priority for one week, and discovered that she seemed to have much more time than before and was able to accomplish everything else more easily.

Maybe someone else needed this message back in 1996, but it feels like she wrote it for me just so I could hear her "voice" tonight, 18 years later. I have not been able to ask her advice about parenting since Lily reached the difficult toddler stage (although I love this stage too!), and I have needed her wisdom so much. I don't have any letters from her, aside from some casual emails, and what I have read of her journals has not been very helpful for me. So this small story from the Ensign is like a time capsule of the wisdom she gained when she was at my stage of life.

My mom faithfully read her scriptures every day of her life that I can remember, and she taught me many times the principle of making scripture study the first priority of the day. This was a good reminder of that, but what I needed to hear most from her story was simply that it wasn't always easy for her when she was at the stage I'm at now. I'm not sure why, but for some reason it is comforting to hear that she also struggled through this part of life. Perhaps it gives me hope that even with my current faults, maybe by the time I'm 50 I can be more like she was before she died.

Maybe I just needed to read a few words she wrote since I can't call her on the phone. I know the Lord can't bring her back, as much as I wish I could be with her. But I am grateful that he preserved these words of hers to strengthen me in a time of need.

The New Normal

Well it has arrived: the insanity of a baby and a 2-year-old. Actually, it has been present for a while, which is why this blog has been so neglected for the past few months. I have thought about posting often, but it just seems like there is never any time! I am finally figuring out how to cook (differently). Out the window are all the fun recipes I used to make. I compiled a new list of the very fastest, easiest things possible that are still fairly healthy, and I have still have to do some prep ahead of time or it is impossible.

Things have been especially difficult recently because Adam was teaching an evening class so he never got home until after 7:00. I know it's not that late, and there are some families where the working parent(s) never get home until later. But it was difficult for me. We survived, and I'm glad that class is over now.

Joshua and Lily are completely adorable though and we have so much fun!

Lily loves him, although she gets VERY jealous when I nurse him. For a while, every time I would pick him up to feed him, she would throw a big tantrum and scream that she wanted me to hold her instead. I can't blame her, and I feel bad that she takes it so hard. But we eventually figured out that if she really gets to bed on time, the tantrums are much less frequent and much less intense. So that is now my #1 goal each day: get Lily to bed on time. Sadly, it still doesn't always happen, but we're doing better.

Joshua is growing like a weed! He is also very strong. He can hold his head up of course, and can easily roll over both directions, and insists on standing whenever we hold him. He can support all his weight by himself, as long as we hold his hands to balance him. The doctor said he could be crawling at 6 months! That would be a shock to me, since Lily didn't crawl until 10 months. He is also very cheerful, aside from some recent screaming episodes related to teething. But he smiles a lot and is trying to grab and chew on everything.




He sleeps fairly well, still waking up twice at night, but he goes right back to sleep after nursing so it's no big deal. He has more hair than Lily had and it looks like it might be blonde! It will be fun if we have a little toe-head like I was.

Lily is getting better at handling Joshua and is very helpful. She regularly gets toys for him "so he can be happy."

She talks about him all the time and calls him "Dosua". Some of my other favorite pronunciations of hers include "Cindelella", "Pyoo-tyoo-tah" for "Computer", "Leh-woh" for "Yellow", and my all-time favorite: "pock-sih-pole" for "popsicle". Mostly we laugh at the bigger words she is starting to use in her little toddler voice. Like today she was stirring some food we gave her and said "I am stirring it so it will be quite delicious." or when we asked her to put on her shoes she said, "I suppose I could do that."

I got to take the kids for a visit to Utah for over two weeks to see my family. I went to two weddings and my high school reunion, and visited lots of friends and family.

This is my cousin Christian (3) giving Lily a hug at the wedding of his sister, Aurora.

We also went to Thanksgiving Point with my friend Amberly and her 3 girls for the requisite pony ride.

We spent a day helping my dad remodel his house which he is getting ready to sell, went to dinner at Brick Oven, visited the re-vamped BYU Bean Museum with my dad and his wife Elizabeth, went shopping with my sister, and swam at the AWESOME Provo Rec Center waterpark (for only $5!) with my family.

My brother Stephen and his wife Lisa graciously watched Lily and Joshua while I went to the temple and got my first-ever pedicure (courtesy of grandma Elizabeth!). The icing on the cake was that my brother Daniel took me ballroom dancing, which I haven't done in years, and miss more than anything else about my life before kids. It was immensely fun, and I can't wait to go back just for that!

Here are a few more pictures of the people we had fun with:

This is my friend Amberly's dad Paul (like a second dad to me), holding Joshua and Amberly's new baby.

Lily got to spend time with her friend Mary whom we haven't seen for a while.

The downside was that it was so much fun, the kids never got enough sleep and were very tired and grumpy some of the time. Lily threw the worst tantrums I have ever seen from any child in my entire life. Thankfully, now that we are back on our regular schedule, she is mostly cured and generally back to her normal self. We are very happy to be back home with Adam, and he is very glad to have his family back.