Hush Little Baby

I sing to Lily A LOT. Just ask Adam. It's basically what I do all day long. I sing primary songs and jazz tunes and lullabies and nursery rhymes, lots of made-up songs, hymns, pop songs, Spanish songs and country songs, oldies, folk songs, patriotic songs, and occasionally classic rock - haha. I often just sing things like "We are putting on Lily's sockies, Lily's sockies, Lily's sockies, we are putting on Lily's sockies so her feet can be warm!" I really hope it sounds less dumb to her than it does writing it on this blog.

Anyway.

One thing I deliberately avoid singing to her is the classic of all classic lullabies: "Hush Little Baby." Because, really, are you kidding me? Who wrote this song?! Did they honestly think it was a good idea to tell their child they would make them feel better by buying them tons of stuff? And this is not stuff like fruit snacks or the candy next to the grocery store check-out line. We're talking about mocking birds, looking glasses, and diamond rings! And, if the first ridiculously impractical, extravagant gift breaks, it will immediately be replaced by another! These people obviously didn't think about the sense of entitlement their child would inevitably develop. That is, if a baby would even want any of this stuff in the first place.

However.

One day I inadvertently started singing this song anyway, in spite of my disapproval of everything it stands for. And I soon realized that I don't actually know all the words. But I just decided I would keep going as long as I could to see how far I could get. Here is what I came up with (by the way, this is dedicated to my brothers Stephen and Daniel, who are the kings of silly made-up songs):

Hush little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird.
And if that mocking bird won't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring will break,
Mama's gonna buy you a chocolate cake.
And if that chocolate cake tastes yucky,
Mama's gonna buy you a rubber ducky.
And if that rubber ducky won't float,
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat.
And if that billy goat eats your clothes,
Mama's gonna buy you a pretty rose.
And if that rose has a pokey prickle,
Mama's gonna buy you a big, green pickle.
And if that pickle tastes like sludge,
Mama's gonna buy you a piece of fudge.
And if that fudge is crystallized,
Mama's gonna buy you some striped bow ties
And if those bow ties are just for boys,
Mama's gonna buy you some girly toys.
And if those toys make you feel fat,
Mama's gonna buy you a baseball bat.
And if they say you play baseball wrong,
Then we'll just make up a different song.

How many new verses can you come up with?